When Grief is New
In the first weeks and months (or sometimes years) after a devastating loss, grief feels overwhelming. If you’re not sure where to even start, read these articles first.
These articles are specific to the feelings and challenges of early grief.
When Death Isn’t Fair
I read about a little three-year-old girl who was killed when a heavy security door fell on her. In what can only be described as a freak, tragic accident, her devastated family is left to wonder “why?” Her death is a palpable reminder that much of the time, death is very unfair.
How to Support Someone Who’s Grieving
Like many people, my support of anyone grieving was limited to telling them, “I’m so sorry,” and then trying to put the whole experience out of my mind as soon as the funeral was over. Now that I’ve lost someone close to me, I offer suggestions for different ways to offer support.
The Physical Side of Grief
When we think of grief, we usually focus on our emotions. As anyone who has suffered a great loss can tell you, the emotional pain and suffering it produces can defy words to describe it. But grief also has a physical side, which isn’t talked about as much.
The Irrationality of Grief
Have you ever thought to yourself that a loved one who died will come walking through the door at any moment? Even though you know they are dead, the anticipation of seeing and hearing them again feels so real, it can’t possibly be wrong? Irrational thoughts after the loss of a loved one are all too common.
Everyone Grieves Differently
In the months after my daughter’s death in 2009, I found myself struggling with the notion that others around me didn’t appear to be grieving the “right way.” Initially, I was frustrated that for the most part, my husband and other children didn’t openly cry or talk about her death the same way I did…
Feeling Guilt After the Loss of a Loved One
Guilt is a powerful emotion. A combination of sadness, regret, embarrassment, shame, incompetence, failure, and more. For many who have lost someone dear to them, guilt creeps in almost immediately.
Grief and the Loss of Control
I’m not sure when I accepted that grief, in its very nature, is unpredictable and uncontrollable. But when I did finally accept it, it had an unexpected result: I felt relief.
How Are You? A Silent Signpost for the Bereaved
“How are you?” It’s such a seemingly simple, benign question. Often, those who ask the question are not doing so out of real concern, but just as a polite, meaningless pleasantry. But when are suffering from overwhelming grief, it becomes an unspoken reminder that they are expected to hide their pain from the outside world.
Overcoming the Fear of Death
For much of my life I feared death. Then in 2009, I experienced something far worse than my ultimate fear. Not my own death, but the death of someone whose life was more important than my own: my child. And yet, while dealing with my grief in the aftermath, something extraordinary happened. I no longer feared death.
Just Let Me Be Sad
We live in a society so uncomfortable with emotional pain that when someone dies, the outward mourning period is expected to end once the funeral is over. When the bereaved do not cooperate with these prescribed time tables, they are often accused of “wallowing” in their grief. They are indignantly told to “move on” and “get over it”. But is suppressing grief healthy?
Dedication
This website was inspired by the memory of Margareta Sol Kubitz in hopes of helping others work through the pain of grief.