Living With Grief
Many people feel alone in their grief, not realizing that others have similar thoughts and experiences. These articles are based on personal experience and intended to provide a sense community for those experiencing grief.
Movies & Memories
So a new Pixar movie came out last Friday. This is a big deal in our family since we have four little ones. I decided that I would go and see Brave. Well, it turned out that I couldn’t due to one of the kids having baseball practice. The last time I saw a Pixar movie was with Margareta when we saw Up. It was sold out so we had to sit in the front row. She sat there the entire time looking almost straight up due to the screen being so close.
Every time I see that a new Pixar movie is out or one of the other kids is watching a Pixar movie I seem to get overwhelmed by the pain that rushes through me. It starts with me remembering how precious Margareta looked staring at this huge screen and every minute being full of wonderment and amazement.
A New “Normal” After My Child’s Death
What is “normal” after a child’s death. Regular routines and emotions can change dramatically.
Sister Trouble
When i was 6, my other sister was 4 and Madison was 2. So, Julia (the 4 year old) was being mean to me. So i threw a toy at her. She started crying and calling “Daddy! Mommy!” I took Madison with me and ran down the basement. I said to Madison, “Go upstairs and hit Julia with a book!.” Madison was confused.
“Why Shannon?” She asked. “Because, Julia is always mean to you. Don’t you want to get her back for it?”
Madison nodded. Got a book, went upstairs and started slapping it at Julia. Now of course a 2 year old can’t hit hard, but Julia just assumed it would have. Again Julia started yelling, “Daddy, Mommy!” While trying to grab the book away from Madison and hit her with it.
“Moving On” After the Death of a Child
Moving from your home after the death of a child can be a difficult decision, especially if it is the only house they ever lived in.
All Dolled Up
As many daughters do, my daughter Margareta wanted to do most everything that mom did. Although I don’t wear a lot of it, when she saw me putting on makeup, she would want makeup too. At 3 years old, I didn’t think makeup was such a good idea, so I would lightly brush on eyeshadow that was as close to her skin color as possible so that she could see some sparkles, but from a few feet away, you couldn’t tell she was wearing any. She also got to wear lip gloss on occasion. After I put them on, I would always comment “you have such pretty eyes and lips!”, so she started asking for “pretty eyes” and “pretty lips”. She would say, “Mama, I want pretty eyes.”
The Burp
At the time, Margareta was maybe 2-1/2. We were in the living room playing with her brothers. Everything was crazy as usual, when all of the sudden we hear a really loud, gutteral burp that stopped everyone in their tracks. We stared at Margareta with wide eyes that such a sound could come from such a little girl.
Margareta looked just as shocked as the rest of us. She turned to me, and in complete awe, said…
First day of school
It was the first day of school for Madison’s three older siblings. Anthony entering fifth, Shannon First grade and Julia’s first day of pre-school. Well Madison would not be forgotten.
She woke up early with the rest and packed her sleeping bag, her “goolbag” and insisted I pack her a lunch for her first day of school. She was so excited to be a big girl!
When Maddie and I had to leave a very tearful Julia in her new school, Madison was there to comfort her. “I go to gool too Julia” and she gave her sister a big fat hug.
Laundry day
In our house, laundry day consists of several loads of dirty clothes being washed and dried. I usually sort the folded clothes into piles on the floor of the living room before putting them back where they belong. My daughter, Margareta, would often try to help fold the clothes, starting from the tender age of two. Even though I would usually have to re-fold what she already did, I enjoyed the company and the comraderie.
One day, I left my piles of folded laundry on the living room floor in Margareta’s capable hands while I walked back to the washer and dryer to start a new load.